See a clinic full of cynics
Who want to twist the peoples’ wrist
They’re watching every move we make
We’re all included on the list

The Fun Boy Three

Once upon a dark time of tribulation and despair, whence an ancient nation state lay beneath the uncaring heel of a feared tyrants regime*. Grim dark clouds that circled those that once sang of ghost towns and a race of rats left the safety of there fellows and that which was special ceased to be, and thence they became fun boys a three… And sang they did the words above, fore they declared a truth that said…

*you might know that time as ‘the eighties’

But the sound track of my youth aside out journey with Dear Edgar brings us today to ‘The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether’ A tale in which the narrator, out of little more than curiosity, sets out to visit to an asylum, what follows is a tale as baroque as the asylum buildings described within. The Maison de Santé in question is in southern France and the narrator, who you will doubtless be unsurprised to learn is unnamed, has read that they employ a revolutionary new method of dealing with the asylums inmates known as the ‘system of soothing’. He remarks on this to a traveling companion who purely by chance, the kind of chance used to guide a narrative with all the subtlety of a steam train, happens to know the superintendent of the Maison de Santé in question and is of course happy to make an introduction.

And so our anomalous narrator is introduced to Monsieur Maillard, the hospitals superintendent, and taken on a tour of the grounds before been invited to dine with the staff. While on the tour he is told that the ‘system of soothing’ he had read so much about is no longer practiced at the asylum, and instead they now favor the ‘system of Doctor Tarr and professor Fether’.

Now I would ask you allow me a little side bar, the 8th amendment to the American constitution as you may be aware, prohibits the use of cruel and unusual punishments. I mention this because the 8th amendment was ratified in 1791 as part of the US Bill of Rights, something Americans are rightfully proud of. Coincidently 102 years after the English Bill of Rights used the same language in 1689, so it just reaffirmed rights that the former British citizens had had prior to the revelation of 1776 but took 15 years to regain… Regardless of which under both jurisdictions the practice of covering the convicted with hot wood tar then throwing fathers at them, was not considered to be cruel and unusual… This begs the question of what on earth is…

After the tour the dinner with the staff is… interesting shall we say. The staff take turns to pretend to be inmates. Doing the kinds of things their charges are want to do. These demonstrations become increasingly odd, involving music, no a little shouting and the occasionally clucking. The good doctor Maillard try’s his best to calm the staff down several times but they just get increasingly disorderly as the dinner goes on. All the while the superintendent precedes to explain all the changes he has instigated in the new methods he has adopted.

The reason the new method of Doc Tarr and Prof Fether was adopted was, the superintendent goes on to explain, that at one hospital that retained the older ‘system of soothing’ method, the lunatics had conspired to overpower the staff and locked them away, while the leader of the rebellious inmates took charge and instigated a new policy. Allowed no visitors, save one chap who seemed a little slow on the uptake…

Very slow on the uptake as Maillard is telling the narrator exactly what has happened in the asylum he now sits. the narrator is the chap who seemed a little slow on the uptake…

At this point there is a ruckus in the grounds and a bunch of figures charged into the dinning room, half naked, and covered with tar and feathers… It is about this point the hapless narrator realises the terrible truth. That being that in the words of The Fun Boy Three…

‘The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum’

FOUR RAVENS, UNWILLING TO CONTRIBUTE FEATHERTS BUT HAPPY TO WATCH

Should your read it: The story is entertaining, it surprisingly avoids being offensive, as it is as preposterous as the narrator who is clearly not the brightest bulb. In the end, even after all he has witnessed, which includes the whole staff having been tared and feathered by the inmates, he still has not grasped that Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether and not real people but figments Mallards madness, and is therefore surprised he can not find works by them anywhere.

The only important question really is, is this funny, which it is. I was worried it might make light of mental health, but it doesn’t, the humor is more at the narrators oblivious stupidity.

Bluffers fact: The earliest documented mention of tar and feathering is in orders written at the behest of Richard the 1st denoting the practice to be the punishment for theft amid his navy that dates from 1189 and crusades.

The Fun Boy Three emerged from The Specials in 1981, did a few singles including two singles with hard drinking girl group Bananarama, who inspired Jenifer Saunders to write Absolutely fabulous. Somehow the fun boys livers survived and all three later rejoined The Specials.