A Tantalising Titillation of Tantamount

Introduction by Mark

Todays Indieapril post is an exert from the truly wonderful ‘Tales from Tantamount’ the fictional (we assume and hope in many ways) record of the town of Tantamount By Meredith Debonnaire. This exert is from the original blog series which is still available for free. Though it is also available in the extend edition as an eBook and in paperback form. You should buy it, I know I say that a lot, but really you should, your life will be so much richer for doing so… But that’s enough from me… over to Merry…

The following may contain newspaper headlines and humour in bad taste.

Headlines in Tantamount, January 1st
The Tantamount Herald
Surprise triumph of Heathens over Anglo-Saxon forces in History Battle: all time losses! Story on p2
Tantribune
Auspicious end to the year with ascendance of local choir, photos on p12
Oakshade Primary shock at first year in Battle: headteacher statement here!
The Tantamount Life
Journalist spots big cat on towpath – cat was wearing a cravat and bowler. Are cats no longer fashionable? p9

RE:RE: Chef required
TO: laurallovelace@hotmail.tan
FROM: management@pinprickcafe.tan

Dear Laura Lovelace,

Following your email and perusal of your references, as well as some intense stargazing, we would like to invite you for an interview at Pinprick Cafe. Please bring any totems that you feel are appropriate, as well as your past life feedback from Aethel and Aelfred. We expect to see you on the fourth.

Best wishes,
Thora Hope,
Proprietor, The Pinprick Cafe.

Notice

The Heretical Order of Trombonists will be holding a recital at 5:55am in the town square this Monday. This is in honour of the extended working day, and also celebrating the 60ishth anniversary of the Battle of the Blang, which may have been fought here, and was famously won or lost by a legion of brass players.
Many thanks,
Tantamount District Council.

Notice

Cycling, skateboarding, rollerskating, hovering, ascending and scuba diving are all banned from this shopping centre. Penalties include instantaneous electrocution and fines of up to T50.00
Many thanks,
Tantamount District Council.

Proverb of the Day: Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him until the incessant pollution of water kills all the marine life and you still haven’t fed any women!!! Found in the abandoned homework of a student at Tantamount College.
Tantamount District Council would like to take this opportunity to remind residents not to feed the ducks while they are in the lake. The bread pollutes the water, and the naiads will only throw the bread back at you anyway.
Many thanks,
Tantamount District Council

Weather Report
Today the weather was as frigid as your ex when they bumped into you outside a coffee shop a week after you broke their heart, and realised that you were already seeing someone else. Poets and serial sleazeballs were especially affected.

A Case for Carrion by Aethel Erdinfast
The Carrion Phenomenon, as it is widely known, appears to be utterly unique to Tantamount. There are some similar phenomenon across the globe; Armenghast, for example, has the Black Cloud which passes daily over the streets and disappears at precisely 12:34pm, taking with it the skeletons of those outside at the time. Records indicate that Carrion has existed in Tantamount since time immemorial, or perhaps since the Year of the Badly Drawn Dog, and that it was not always as well organised as it is now.

Where the name ‘Carrion’ came from is something of a mystery. The word itself is of French origin and refers to ‘the dead or putrid body or flesh of any animal’. This is an interesting association, as Carrion does not typically affect the body (with some notable exceptions, to be discussed later), but rather sets the mind to rotting. It is without argument that a brush with Carrion has terrible consequences, although these can be ameliorated by the correct tiding of magpies and sometimes cured completely if the Forgiveness Well can be found.

Some people theorise that Carrion, much like lightning, is the result of a build-up of particular energies… (here the leaflet becomes rainwashed and unreadable, crumpled from time spent in uncaring pockets)

Weather Report
Today the weather was inexplicably dull, as if everything you saw was overlaid with a veil of smoked glass. Interspersed with hail and overly hopeful barbecues. Everyone was affected except the one insufferably cheerful neighbour who always talks to you and who you secretly loathe.

About Merry by Merry

I am a young and now-published writer (IT HAPPENED!), supposedly editing my first novel (it’s actually hidden in a box, and I am distracting myself with lots of short stories). Sadly The Life and Times of Angel Evans is no longer available to buy, but you can read it for free online by clicking the gorgeous picture to the right. You can also buy a collected version of Tales From Tantamount, my second publication. Lovely cover on the right should be clickable.

I am an unrepentant bibliobibuli, and the reviews posted here are only a fraction of what I read. I use this site primarily to write book reviews, although other stuff also happens (like POETRY). I am training to be a hermit, and sometimes vanish for a long long time into the depths of my brain and only emerge months later. There is an 80% chance that I am talking total bollocks, but I’m afraid I can’t say for certain. I like (among other things) fantasy, sci-fi, humour and fairytales. I hope you enjoy my bloggle!

I also offer professional proofreading services – more about those here.

Things I have that might amuse you while you are stuck in a tower of isolation: This short story, which is free: tinyurl.com/qobjk5l Tales From Tantamount, the free content: tinyurl.com/wsw8hva Tales From Tantamount, buy your own with extra bits: tinyurl.com/rlcbeer

Final word by Mark

Meredith keeps giving things away, this is very generous of her, you can read the Tales of Tantamount on blog, without the extras, you can also read her fabulous novella The Life and Times of Angel Evans for free which she really should self publish as the original publishers no longer exist… But my subtle hints on that seem to keep missing the target. And her current WIP an on going serialised novelette…

I mean really you get all of this for nothing… So if you do partake of this wonder, buy the woman a damn coffee… She deserves it…

Or of course just buy Tales From Tantamount, because you should, it will make your life worthwhile…