At home, on the shelf above my desk, just to the left of the raven black quill and owl tormented ink stand, and in front of the leather bound scroll case of dubious origin, I have a porcelain phrenology skull, which oddly enough also as a small hole in its base in which you could mount a quill. Possibly this could also be used as an ink well, if you poured ink into the base of the phrenology skull, but frankly that would be weird. I suspect it was originally intended as merely a stand in which to house a fountain pen, not that I ever used it as such.

I picked up the skull at a charity shop at some point in the past, and keep it on the shelf because… well what kind of writer would I be if I didn’t have a phrenology skull?

Why do I mention this, well mainly because phrenology plays a part in the ‘origin’ story of ‘The Business Man’, but also because I like the word, phrenology.

The Business Man is another of Poe’s satires, and suffers to an extent with similar issues of structure as ‘The man who was all used up’, which is to say the story is more an extended joke than and actual story. Unlike that previous satire however this one hold a grain of truth that remains as relevant today as it did way back in 1840 when this story was first published in Burtons gentleman’s magazine.

The story itself is the life story of Peter Proffit, told to us by the man himself. ‘A Methodical Business man’ as he styles himself, though the read may think of him more as a crook, a shyster, conman and morally bankrupt. Though he does have some moral qualms when it comes to the business of postage fraud, an old con where by he would write fake letters to rich people, and hand deliver them, charging the recipient for the postage (which was how postage worked back in the days before stamps). His moral objections were not in regards to swindling the rich people with fake letters, but on behalf of the fake people, but with the unkind things being said about the fake people he is writing letters ‘from’. The recipients of his letters are so nasty…

This ‘postal’ fraud is the tip of the iceberg of the businesses Peter has tried over the years. All equally spurious at best. Such as the eye-sore business, in which you buy a plot next to a pleasant richly appointed building, and build an absolute hovel, before charging well above the worth of the land and the building so the mark can tear it down. The ‘mud-dabbling’ business where you employ a dog to get itself covered in mud then rub up against peoples shoes so you can charge them for shoe shining ( though he fell out with the dog who wanted half the profits so that was the end of that scam, the dog was never paid, but then he was a contractor after all…). The ‘assault and battery’ business, where you start a fight then sue the mark for attacking you. the ‘organ grinder’ business which is using a hand cracked organ to make horrible music then charging people to stop.

Peters propensity for these sharp practices in the realm of ‘business’ he blames on his nursemaid when he was a child swinging him around and banging his head on a bed post. The resulting permanent bump in his head in the region, he tells us, that according to phrenology controls ‘system and regularity’ Which might possibly be right next to ‘morals and honesty’ though I can’t find any of these on my phrenology chart, wo who knows, Though a good whack on number ten does you the world of good I believe…

Aside blaming phrenology for his sharp business practices peter doesn’t suffer form an overdoes of guilt. One does wonder where the bump of Narcissus would be, certainly Peter Proffit seems to have the same moral center some others who might pursue the ‘art of the deal’, which is probably why once he finally comes up with a scheme that makes him rich at the end of his self satisfied story he is considering running for office. One suspects sadly he would probably do quite well in current political climates in Poe’s native land.

The scheme that makes Peter rich in the end by the way, is breeding cats. Which sounds benign I know, but he starts breeding them because a law is passed to keep down the numbers of stray felines by paying a bounty on cat tails… The kind of business I can almost imagine another ‘Business man’ engaging in gleefully, in his red hat…

Unlike previous Poe satires, this one still resonates today. Possibly more so given the current occupant of a house on Pennsylvania Avenue who you could easily imagine going into the cat tail business, and the rest of Peter Proffit’s failed ventures. I am not sure that is a good thing.

A TRIO OF RAVENS CONSIDERING A HOMICIDE

Should your read it: Its a fun story, and funny,

Should you avoid it: no, but it is hard to detach yourself from the thought that the more things change, the more they stay the same, and satire makes little odds in the end…

Bluffers fact: This story was original published in 1840 as Peter Pendulum, It was later republished in 1845 as The Business Man with the main characters name changed. Possibly this is because Poe decided he didn’t want two stories in a collection with the word Pendulum in the title, and ‘The Pit and the Dangly Swinging Death Thingy’ did not scan…