‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall’

‘Humpty Dumpty had a great fall’

‘All the kings horse’s and all the kings men’

‘Couldn’t put Humpty together again’

I have questions, many questions, but lets consider first why did Humpty fall. Obviously, people do fall off walls we know, but in general not just because they are just sat on them. In actuality, sitting on walls is not an inherently risky proposition.

As to why he was sat on the wall in the first place, well the obvious answer is of course to better view a military parade. This is after all why all the kings horses and all the kings men were passing by and thus able to attempt to patch him up. Mayhap therefore he got over excited, tried to stand up on the wall in order to get a better view and doing so slipped and fell.

This could make sense, except he was already high up. this was no mere garden wall he was sat on. he had to be high up because he ‘had a great fall’, not a minor tumbler. A great fall that did irrevocable damage… So why would he need to stand up, he should have been able to see everything perfectly well and remain seated on the wall. And the rhyme very clearly says he was sat on the wall, and doesn’t make any mention of him standing on it. If the purpose to the rhyme is to serve as a warning about the dangers of walls surely it would make mention of his standing on the wall. so no he was defiantly sat. So how did he fall?

How indeed… Was he perhaps pushed, and if so by whom… And why?

But that is one mystery which much like the occupant of a grassy knoll in Dallas Texas will remain unknown one suspects… But let us move on to the second part of the rhyme… Which if anything is more sinister

‘All the king’s horses and all the king’s men’ , ‘Couldn’t put Humpty together again.’

Well, this begs a question, several in fact. Firstly, who was in charge. All the kings horse and all the kings men is a lot of men and a lot of horses. perhaps that is a little too literal, perhaps it refers to ‘The Kings Troop’ a ceremonial unit of the British army. Also known as the Royal Horse Artillery, that has teams of six horses pulling 13 pound gun carriages. With other members of The Kings Troop escorting on horseback. The unit has 140 men and women in it and twice as many horses. that’s a lot of men and horses. perhaps how literally all the kings horse and all the kings men but as far as parades are concerned they seem the likely candidates.

But why would all of them try to put Humpty together again. Do any of them have advances medical degrees? I would venture the horses do not. So why are they even trying, can someone not get the horses out of the way? I doubt the one hundred and forty men and women of The Troop include any doctors either. Medics perhaps, but only a couple of them at most, and why is an officer not taking charge?

Besides which since when would the parade stop, should there not be a couple of members of the St John’s Ambulance kicking about? Or are they all off blagging free entry to football matches and Glastonbury?* Or were they paid off as part of the conspiracy. I mean there isn’t a public event that doesn’t have at least a couple of them about, drinking tea and smiling with the vicar. I bet they even got to see Ozzy’s final gig for nothing….

But no, not a sign of the St John’s Ambulance, or an officer in charge, just a mad scrabble of horses and men utterly failing to put Humpty together again, as if medicine and the setting of broken bones was some kind of jigsaw. have you ever tried to do a jigsaw with 140 other people and a herd of bloody horses, no wonder they couldn’t put him together again…. They were all fighting over whether to start with a corner piece and the edge of just dive into the middle…

So pushed not fell, and no medical staff in attendance. Some one had it in for poor Humpty clearly… But all of this is as nothing, when we consider one final question, the great question , the one that we all should be asking ourself and has been hidden by the madness of horses and men .

Humpty Dumpty, why do we think of him as an egg…?

He isn’t… At no point does the rhyme say anything to imply he is an egg. Humpty was never an egg, Humpty was a person, a person forgotten in all this because of that braggard Lewis Carrol, a man ever fond of his drug induced fantasy life, and obsessed with his niece Alice, went out of his way to rewrite history and convince the world that Humpty Dumpty was an egg by portraying him as such in Through the Looking Glass.

What was Carrol motive in doing this?

What was he trying to hide?

Will we ever know?

What we do know for sure is this, Lewis Carrol was a card carrying member of The St Johns Ambulance…

Remember this, if nothing else, Humpty was never an egg until they told us he was. Believe what you will, but never believe what they tell you.

Humpty Dumpty was never an egg…

*the St John Ambulance are a wonderful organization and its members fine people who give up their free time to help people. I will not hear a word said against them… They may be listening…