The Elf King’s Thingy part 4

The Elf King’s Thingy Part IV

Back where we started deManfess was listening to one side of the conversation being held over the ancient Bakelite phone…


“I see, and you wish us to investigate, this… occurrence?”


“A what? A mortal girl? You can’t be serious?”


“Oh I see, yes of course, that is what you wish us to determine.”

“We may have to pursue this thief beyond the boarders you realise which would of course require permissions of transit, I assume they can be arranged…”

“Well that’s inconvenient… Or very convenient for… I take it you can grease the wheels of this problem?”  

“But… without the permissions how can we pursuit this?”

While deManfess was certainly listening to his partners side of the conversation, it has to be said he was doing so with little interest in what as being said. What did interest him, however, was the growing disgruntlement that had become evident on the face of Mr Spleen. He had seldom seen his partner look quite so disgruntled, indeed Mr Spleen’s gruntle had seldom seemed so dissed…

 “Well yes there are ways, but they can be troublesome as I know you are aware… It would be simpler if his highness was just to make the…”

“There is no need to shout… Neither is there any need for such profanity… You could just ask him to ask her…”

“I assure you I am fully aware of my parentage and that is an inaccurate statement…”

“I see, well our usual fees and arrangements will be applicable you understand, indeed I believe we will have to charge a few minor supplemental charges as well..”    

“Of course, in that case we shall be upon it with the greatest of expediency… Sorry… What penalty clauses?”

“I see…”  The last was accompanied with Mr Spleen unconsciously moving a finger across his own neck, in a slicing motion and a momentary looked ashen, which is hard to accomplish what your natural pallor is somewhat grey to start with.     

“Well we shall endeavour to pursue the matter to his highness satisfaction…”

“And to you,” he replied and mutter under his breath in Latin “Et a liminibus..”

Mr Spleen put down the Bakelite phone with something of a thud. Disturbing the dust in the office. He had a pained look on his face, which was not too unusual in a zombie it has to be said, but it was, deManfess determined, more pained than normal. His partner had defiantly not enjoyed the conversation. His eyes had a slight green glow to them for a start, which they never did unless Spleen was annoyed about something.

deManfess liked it when Mr Spleen got annoyed about something. Such annoyance was generally a foreshadowing of interesting times to come. deManfess’s view on interesting times was based on a misinterpretation of the old Chinese curse. He always looked forward to living in them.   

Mr Spleen’s blaze of anger lasted only a moment. Then as the glow of his eyes faded he coughed to clear his throat and drew in a deep breath, that whistled through the holes in his chest, before he locked his gaze on that of his partner. “We have an engagement of some urgency it seems deManfess.”

In reply deManfess shrugged, his interest in the business generally came down to one side of things, beyond which he was happy to let his partner handle the more complex stuff, like why they were undertaking something. He did however asked the question Mr Spleen was expecting him to ask, the one which he always asked at when a new undertaking was afoot. “Will there be blood?”

“I suspect there will be yes…” Mr Spleen replied grimly, though it is hard not to sound grim when you are a reanimated corpse. It’s the drying of the vocal cords that make you rasp.

“Lots of it?” deManfess further inquired, in what might be described as a gleeful tone…

“Almost certainly, there normally is after all.”

“That’s good then whenever you’re ready Mr. Spleen.” DeManfess smiled, a smile with too many teeth, and what would have been far too much glee in the opinion of any rational human being in attendance. Luckily no such creature was. This said deManfess set about gathering his tools into his black medical bag and took down his longest darkest overcoat from the rail.

Mr Spleen sighed, with a whistle, and began his own preparations, muttering to himself as he did so.

“Yes, lots of blood old chap, lots and lots of blood I have no doubt. Let’s try and make sure it’s not our own though shall we…” 

Next week ( or possibly in a couple of days) the tale of ‘The Elf king’s Thingy’ will continue, with Part 5 a minor treatise on matters of magic and the mortal realm.

You can find the full series here

Authors note: This part work comprises of a first draft, without the usual editing, proof reading etc, It is somewhat raw because of this. There may be glaring errors, terrible typos and crimes of a grammatical nature. Feel free to point them out if your self-esteem requires a boost, you would certainly be proving your intellectual superiority over the author in doing so…

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