The ‘ends’ of Doctor Who?

Just to be clear I borrow most of this. it does however exactly express my own view…

23/11/1963 – Doctor Who begins. Doctor Who dies.
21/12/1963 – Silly robot monsters introduced into informative historical series. Doctor Who dies.
26/12/1964 – Susan, the very person who introduced us to the Doctor, leaves. Doctor Who dies.
22/05/1965 – The terrifying Daleks are depicted as bumbling idiots. Doctor Who dies.
26/06/1965 – Ian and Barbara, the very people who introduced us to the Doctor, leave. Doctor Who dies.
09/10/1965 – The fans are insulted by an episode without the Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
25/06/1966 – A villain refers to the Doctor as Doctor Who. Doctor Who dies.
22/10/1966 – William Hartnell leaves. Doctor Who dies.
01/07/1967 – The final destruction of the Daleks. Doctor Who dies.
24/04/1968 – The series runs out of ideas and uses two monsters twice in the same series. Doctor Who dies.
21/06/1969 – The mystery of the Doctor’s people is ruined. Doctor Who dies.
03/01/1970 – The whole point of the show is jettisoned as the Doctor begins his exile on Earth. Doctor Who dies.
24/06/1972 – The first major retcon is made, as the fate of Atlantis changes just one year after it was established. Doctor Who dies.
30/12/1972 – The first two Doctors are sent to help out their third self in a crisis which threatens Gallifrey itself. While it’s nice to see them again, it tears open the massive plothole of why the Time Lords didn’t abduct and sentence the Doctor to exile far sooner than they did if they knew where he was as early as his first incarnation. Doctor Who dies.
23/06/1973 – Jo leaves, breaking the irreplaceable magic between companion and Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
28/12/1974 – The new Doctor is a goggle-eyed nutjob. Doctor Who dies.
12/04/1975 – Dalek history is retconned for the first time. Unfortunately it won’t be the last. Doctor Who dies.
19/04/1975 – The Cybermen go all rubbish. Doctor Who dies.
23/04/1975 – Billy Hartnell, the first actor to play the Doctor, dies. Doctor Who dies.
23/10/1976 – Sarah-Jane leaves, breaking the irreplaceable magic between companion and Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
30/10/1976 – The Time Lords are depicted as doddery old men. Doctor Who dies.
22/10/1977 – A gimmicky robot dog joins the TARDIS crew. Doctor Who dies.
11/03/1978 – Leela leaves, breaking the irreplaceable magic between companion and Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
15/11/1980 – A whiny boy joins the TARDIS crew. Doctor Who dies.
24/01/1981 – Romana and K-9 leave, breaking the irreplaceable magic between companions and Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
21/03/1981 – The best Doctor ever is replaced by a vet. Doctor Who dies.
04/01/1982 – The Saturday tea-time slot is abandoned. Doctor Who dies.
02/03/1982 – The producers forget to put aliens in a story. Doctor Who dies.
16/03/1982 – The Doctor fails to save a much-loved companion. Doctor Who dies.
01/02/1983 – UNIT continuity gets fucked. Doctor Who dies.
22/02/1983 – The creation of the universe is revealed to have occurred from a spaceship discharging its fuel. Doctor Who dies.
25/11/1983 – The First Doctor is re-cast and Tom Baker doesn’t turn up. Oh, and the Second Doctor’s timeline gets even more fucked up as he refers to Jamie and Zoe’s mindwipe despite having supposedly being killed almost immediately after this occurred. Doctor Who dies.
12/01/1984 – Episode 3 of the universally panned Warriors of the Deep airs, depicting scenes of someone attempting to kung fu fight a laughable-looking monster costume, which was hurriedly glued together because Margaret Thatcher had called a general election and cost the production team a lot of valuable time and resources. Peter Davison and Janet Fielding announce that they are leaving during filming of this serial. Doctor Who dies.
23/02/1984 – A new companion is brought in just to fill a bikini. Doctor Who dies.
22/03/1984 – The new Doctor is a psychopath in a clown outfit. Doctor Who dies.
05/01/1985 – The classic twenty-five minute format is abandoned. Doctor Who dies.
16/02/1985 – The show digs itself even deeper into the plot hole regarding the timing of the Doctor’s exile, by showing the Second Doctor and Jamie on a mission FROM the Time Lords. This leads to hardcore fans having to formulate made up fan theories to explain this plot hole away. Doctor Who dies.
01/11/1986 – Bonnie. Langford. Doctor Who dies.
28/03/1987 – Pat Troughton, the second actor to play the Doctor, dies. Doctor Who dies.
07/09/1987 – The new Doctor is a buffoon in an ugly pullover. Doctor Who dies.
05/10/1988 – We get to see Totter’s Yard again, except the inbreds spell “I.M. FOREMAN” incorrectly. Doctor Who dies.
02/11/1988 – The Doctor fights Bertie Bassett. Doctor Who dies.
06/12/1989 – The show ends its twenty-six year run. Doctor Who dies.
26/11/1993 – Doctor Who’s rotting carcass is briefly revived, plugged into the life-support machine known as EastEnders. Doctor Who dies.
20/05/1996 – SPLINK overlord Jon Pertwee, the third actor to play the Doctor, dies. Doctor Who dies.
27/05/1996 – The Doctor kisses his companion. Americans are involved. Doctor Who dies.
30/10/1997 – Who’s creator Sydney Newman dies, therefore taking Doctor Who with him (it dies).
23/11/2003 – Doctor Who’s 40th Anniversary is a colossal disappointment, with the only noteworthy celebratory productions being a below average animation that was de-canonized midway through production, and an overly pretentious 4 hour long audio drama that almost destroyed the credibility of the company which made it. Doctor Who dies.
25/05/2004 – A former teen singer is revealed as the companion. Doctor Who dies.
31/03/2005 – The Doctor quits after one episode has been broadcast. Doctor Who dies.
16/04/2005 – Fart humour. Doctor Who dies.
25/12/2005 – The new Doctor spends all his time in bed. Doctor Who dies.
17/06/2006 – A Doctor-light episode is an exploration of the notions of fandom and the human experience. Doctor Who dies.
08/07/2006 – An actress with her own sketch show is revealed as the companion for the Christmas special. Doctor Who dies.
16/06/2007 – The Master is turned into a raving loony. Doctor Who dies.
02/07/2007 – A former teen singer is revealed as the companion for the Christmas special. Doctor Who dies.
03/07/2007 – The actress with her own sketch show is revealed as the companion for Series Four. Doctor Who dies.
03/09/2007 – A Christmas special, four specials for 2009 and a whole series for 2010 are confirmed. Doctor Who dies.
22/11/2007 – The original producer of the program, Verity Lambert, dies. Doctor Who dies.
25/12/2007 – For the first time ever, the show is the most watched of the week. It is also the second-highest rated program of the year and the Audience Appreciation index is 86. Doctor Who dies.
29/10/2008 – The best Doctor ever announces he is leaving. Doctor Who dies.
04/01/2009 – The new Doctor is revealed to be a young male actor. Doctor Who dies.
29/05/2009 – The new companion is revealed to be a young female actor. Doctor Who dies.
06/10/2009 – The logo people originally criticized for having too much lens flare is replaced by one that people criticize for having too much lens flare. Doctor Who dies.
17/04/2010 – The Daleks change colour and become a bit bigger. Doctor Who dies.
22/02/2011 – Nicholas Courtney, who played beloved character the Brig, dies. Doctor Who dies.
19/04/2011 – Elisabeth Sladen, who played beloved character Sarah Jane, dies. Doctor Who dies.
23/04/2011 – The Doctor dies. Fuck, you thought 2016 was bad? Doctor Who dies.
04/06/2011 – The season is split so that the latter half is shown in the Autumn, just like the fans had always demanded. Doctor Who dies.
21/03/2012 – The new companion is revealed to be a young female actor who has been in a soap opera. Doctor Who dies.
01/06/2013 – The best Doctor ever announces he is leaving. Doctor Who dies.
04/08/2013 – The new Doctor is announced in a live show in primetime in the UK, simultaneously broadcast in America, Canada and Australia. He is younger than William Hartnell. Doctor Who dies.
23/11/2013 – Christopher Eccleston doesn’t turn up and his era becomes victim of the eraser via a shitty cop out retcon of the Time War. Doctor Who dies.
25/12/2013 – Matt Smith is naked and Capaldiddle doesn’t know how to fly the TARDIS, triggering NuWho scrubs everywhere. Doctor Who dies.
04/10/2014 – The Moon is an egg. Doctor Who dies.
25/10/2014 – The show has the perfect opportunity to do a Krynoid story but doesn’t. Doctor Who dies.
01/11/2014 – The Master’s cock collapses in on itself. Doctor Who dies.
09/26/2015 – Skaro is destroyed by undying mutant sludge healed with regeneration energy. Doctor Who dies.
10/03/2015 – Fucking ghosts? Doctor Who dies.
10/08/2015 – The Doctor Who General Wiki begins recording dates on this page in MM/DD/YYYY format. Doctor Who dies.
14/11/2015 – A deeply unpopular Who writer’s “found footage” episode is complete shit. Doctor Who dies.
05/12/2015 – A companion is saved from dying, becomes functionally immortal, and gets her own TARDIS with which she has lesbian adventures with someone from Game Of Thrones (not you). Doctor Who dies.
22/01/2016 – An official statement from the BBC reveals that the current disliked showruiner is quitting to be replaced by a man that wrote a script about Oods and loos in 2018 whilst confirming no new series will air for 2016. Doctor Who dies.
23/04/2016 – None of /who/’s preferred predictions are cast as the new companion, instead, a black lady that’s not Martha is cast as “Bill”. Doctor Who dies.
25/12/2016 – A goddamn superhero? Doctor Who dies.
25/12/2016 – The Series 10 coming soon trailer is aired and reveals Bill is working in catering, contributing to obesity crisis ravaging United Kingdom. And emoji robots are real. Doctor Who dies again.
27/01/2017 – Beloved War Doctor actor John Hurt dies, putting all War Doctor audios on hold forever. Doctor Who dies.
30/01/2017 – The best Doctor ever announces he is leaving. Doctor Who dies.
06/03/2017 – A picture is revealed on the show’s social media depicting shit(tier) versions of the Cybermen from The Tenth Planet surrounding Capaldi on the set of the Series 10 finale, with the image caption referring to them as “Mondasian Cybermen”. Doctor Who dies.
17/03/2017 – Series 10 is announced to feature a three-parter, which is one-parter longer than normal two-parter, breaking a perfectly good formula. Doctor Who dies.
03/04/2017 – The new Series 10 trailer reveals Missy dabbing. Doctor Who dies.
15/04/2017 – The Doctor and the new homosexual companion spend the whole episode running away from water. Doctor Who dies.
22/04/2017 – Sentient emoji robots become a canon life form in the universe. Doctor Who dies.
06/05/2017 – The Doctor is revealed to be a fan of literal who normie music. Doctor Who dies.
13/05/2017 – They fuckin’ blinded The Doctor. Doctor Who dies.
20/05/2017 – The vault reveal is predictable as fuck. Doctor Who dies.
17/06/2017 – The next time trailer for World Enough and Time confirms that the Tenth Planet Cyber variants are referred to as “Mondasian Cybermen” in-universe. Doctor Who dies.
24/06/2017 – The Master reveal in World Enough and Time is ruined due to him being teased in the trailer before and it being announced before the Series 10 premiere. Doctor Who dies.
01/07/2017 – A puddle breaks into the TARDIS. Doctor Who dies.
16/07/2017 – The new Doctor is revealed to be played by a woman. Doctor Who dies.

To summarise the reason for this post, The Doctor, a fictional time traveller from another planet, who periodically cheats death by regeneration, has in ‘his’ latest incarnation is going to be played by an actor without a penis. This, some claim, will be the death of the show…  presumably because fictional time travelling aliens who periodically cheat death by regenerating into someone else, have always periodically cheated death by regenerating into a male fictional time travelling alien from another planet. Generally, white middle-class male fictional time travelling alien from England or Scotland, which is what fictional time travelling aliens look and sound like… Instead, this time the doctor has a womb, clearly this the death of the longest running sci-fiction show in the world, and we should believe the naysayers because they have been right so many times before…

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On the other hand, in the ‘unlikely’ event that this is not the death of Doctor Who, but just another chapter in a rich ever changing challenging show that constantly reinvents itself we can all take heart that it is only 46 years to the 100th-anniversary special. So I would venture the more important question is can they carbon freeze Tom Baker so he can be defrosted in time to make an appearance in it…

I look forward to the next series. I look forward to life in the Tardis with ‘Jodie Whittaker’ at the console. A new doctor, a new writer, a new chapter… Frankly, I can’t wait to see what they do with it…

I also look forward to the next thing that is proclaimed to be the ‘Death of Doctor Who.’ as it almost certainly won’t be.


This entry was posted in opinion, sci-fi, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The ‘ends’ of Doctor Who?

  1. Hear, Hear! Doctor Who is all about change. I think it’ll be as brilliant as ever and I’m sure that Jodie Whittaker will do a marvellous job and bring something new to the character… besides the obvious fact that she’s female of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a data of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious knowledge on the topic of unpredicted feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

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