Occasionally, on a morning at work, with my coffee, when it quiet and there is no major crisis to deal with I have too much time on my hands… Then Jessica Law (or someone else, but it is nearly always her or Nimue) makes some vague, mostly irreverent, statement on the internet, such as commenting on using a nice if not especially uncommon phase like ‘Christ on a Bike!’ and because I have too much time on my hands this sort of thing happens…

 “By St Elmo’s Bowels!”

I would not be surprised to learn that Jessica Law knew, aside being the well known patron saint of sailors, famously lending his name to ‘st elmo’s fire’ , the electrical discharges you can get off a mast in a storm, and by extension the 80’s movie with Rob Lowe in it that never quite managed to be the next ‘The Breakfast Club’ (even Angie MacDowell could not save it) and the irritatingly catchy theme song by John Parr I had on 12inch for some reason because the 7″ single wasn’t cringy enough… St Elmo is also the patron saint of abdominal pain.

He became the patron saint of sailors, despite never having set foot on as much as a row boat let alone a ship, because he preached and continued to preach in a violent thunderstorm and lightning struck the ground nears him several times, reputedly. Which is very rock and roll for a 3rd century Italian cleric…

Speaking of roll, he was also placed in a barrel with spikes in it and rolled down all seven hills of Rome, yet survived, reputedly because an angel saved him… You would have thought a better angel would be the one that stopped him being put in a barrel full of spikes to begin with but you know what angels are like…

In any regard his patronage of abdominal pain came about because his final martyrdom was at the order of the Emperor Maximian, who had Elmo’s abdomen slit open and his intestines wound around a windlass.

One can not help feeling making St Elmo patron saint of abdominal pain was a bit literal minded of Pope Gregory ‘the Great’, who had a dark sense of humour apparently, but the whole lightening bolts thing is cool. Much cooler than the 80’s movie and anything John Parr ever sang…

This is exactly the kind of thing I would expect Jessica to know and come out with , hence I would not be surprised were she to utter the exclamation “By St Elmo’s bowels!”

Which I think she should , as often as possible…